I never thought I’d ever hook up with somebody who is in an open marriage. I feel like it isn’t the kind of thing you add to your five or even your ten year plan, but it happens. Since this is going to be word strings filled with honesty… here’s the track you can have going in the background while you read this.
How we met:
I had met a properly gorgeous and funny married woman on Tinder (gasps!). The first time we met up was by accident, at First Thursdays. What a shit-show and internal crisis to arrive at a dinner to see Tinder-Bae sitting at the table too. I nearly died, but I sat there making jokes and being a clown to hide my internal panic and fear. The universe has such a cheeky sense of humour – we wouldn’t have met each other that night, had it not been for the mutual friends who it turned out that we share!
The first time we hooked up:
After that we made plans to actually hang out. She invited me to go for a picnic with her friends. It was fun, but at some point I was done with the crowd and wanted to spend some time alone with her. I’ll be frank: at that point I just wanted get to laid. We slept together for the first time that night, but only after going from the picnic to a friend of hers’ for drinks and grabbing dinner. Then we checked into a hotel: I spent the night, she didn’t. That was the agreement she had with her husband. Fair enough, but admittedly, I’m a fan of cuddling post-coyness.
The next time(s):
We slept together a few more times and on various occasions… the rooftop of her apartment, her bedroom, her living room. It’s a fairly decent variety of locations. The sex was amazing considering she hasn’t had sex with a woman before. It’s the main reason her marriage was open, at the time. She felt as though she hadn’t experimented enough. Her husband felt as though he had had his fair share, but thought it would be good for her to explore. We stopped having sex about about a month later because I figured I had had enough. It’s not something I wanted to make a permanent factor in my life.
We’re still friends now and it is, surprisingly, not awkward. I was at her apartment over the weekend and we watched a movie together. We drank wine, ate snacks, ordered a pizza and enjoyed each others’ company. She’s a rad human.
Meeting her husband:
I never wanted to meet him and I avoided it for the full three months that we’d known each other. They were open to it, but I wasn’t. I declined invitations when he would be present. We met by accident when he came home while I was at their apartment. He arrived with a friend of theirs and walked right up to me to introduce himself. He made it clear that he knew exactly who I was (slight gulp).
The four of us spent the night together. Maybe we were all playing a game of chicken to see who would be the first to bail. It was me, but it was also their apartment and I stayed for a respectable time. Him and I spoke. We discussed anxiety, race, cultural identities, what makes us feel vulnerable and… having sex with his wife. We spoke about what it means to love a woman.
When I left we hugged each other good-bye, but only after him and I affirmed that we like each other and that we’re open to friendship. It was nice because maybe it gave him peace of mind to see who had entered their marriage and left. I don’t know, but they are both really lovely people. So, let’s see how things go and if we can be these ‘wildly liberal’ friends, two of which still have sex and two of which used to. Namaste.
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