Here’s what 5 real men really think about sex:
1) A threesome can be better in fantasy than reality
Mark 35, is a writer and newlywed
‘A threesome has become a sort of shorthand for the ultimate male fantasy. I think that’s for lots of reasons – virility, dominance. It’s happened to me once, in my twenties, when, after a lot to drink, I ended up in bed with an ex-girlfriend and a close friend of hers. I did enjoy it, but if I’m honest I enjoyed the fact I was having the experience more than the experience itself. It was sexy to a degree – it’s a huge turn-on to watch two women kissing – but I had this weird sense of being a spectator at the event. I actually enjoyed reliving it afterwards as a fantasy more.’
2) Yes, men get insecure, too
Raj, 33, an engineer is recently divorced
‘I think men are generally more confident about the way they look, but most of us have one or two self-conscious niggles. My self-esteem took a knock after I got divorced – my wife had an affair and, as a man, that strikes at the core of your identity. You think: “Wasn’t I man enough for her?” In the wake of that, the things I had hang-ups about – being a bit short, skinny legs – were magnified. A few compliments go a long way to helping relieve that. It’s always nice to hear that your partner likes your sexy chest, or that they think you have a cute bum.’
3) Take the lead
Luke, 31, is a chartered surveyor. He lives with his girlfriend of four years.
‘Don’t make us do all the running when it comes to sex. Making us feel that you want us is very sexy in itself.’
4) They have erogenous zones, too
Jack, 38, a graphic designer has been married for 11 years.
‘When sex does happen with my wife, we’re both guilty of making it feel a little functional. I miss the days when we lingered over each other’s bodies. I’m not saying it’s the same for all men, but we’re not all cavemen. It’s nice to focus on the whole body, not just the obvious bits. In my case, my chest, inner thighs and the area just behind my ears are incredibly sensitive.
5) Some fantasies are better shared…
Tim, 28, a computer programmer, has been with his girlfriend for two years
‘Like all men, I fantasise pretty regularly, both throughout the day and during sex. Sometimes they are fleeting – imagining sex with the attractive waitress who served me coffee – and sometimes they are more prolonged and ‘pornified’, if you like – sex in a hot tub with some gorgeous twins, all the usual clichés, I fantasise about my girlfriend, too, sometimes with another woman, or dressed up. I would love to talk to her about it, but I worry she will judge me or even be put off. It’s not as though I want her to necessarily act it out, just that talking about it would be a turn-on.’