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Q: I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for about 4 years now and in the beginning when he was trying to court me, he was the definition of stereotypical sweet and touchy feely even in public but it seems to have died down now. He is still very sweet but shows me in a different way that he thinks of me through his actions, but I miss that element of manja-ness. When I asked him about it, he says he doesn’t know how to explain; but that that wasn’t really him. He says that we have a “grown-up” relationship now and that he’s serious about us in the long-run and that should be more important than his inability to be romantic. I understand, but it’s frustrating for me too. What should I do?
A: If your boyfriend was very romantic in the beginning of your relationship, and less so after 4 years, that is certainly not uncommon and is often the case in any relationship. Getting to know each other, exploring, the playfulness, is a new adventure and new adventures are always exciting and euphoric. Just like having anything new, really!
But once the courtship is over and especially as years go by, the intensity and frequency of romance dwindles; other than the fact that there is no longer that same intense need to impress each other, it is also because other responsibilities take its place e.g. more responsibilities at work as we grow older. Also, humans unfortunately tend to take each other for granted and neglect showing affection or showing the other person that they matter. Complacency.
It is a positive thing that your boyfriend says he’s serious about you in the long term, but I do understand your concern if he should think that long-term = no romance. But you say, “he is still very sweet but shows me in a different way” …. so he DOES show you that he loves you, except not in the way that you prefer. It really comes down to personal expectations and satisfaction. Only you would know if your expecations and demands are reasonable, or whether that degree of manja-ness you’re looking for is something better left to teenagers.
Tania is the owner of This Wonderful Life, a place Tania opened in 2008 with the intention to create a place of sanctuary, a one-stop space where an individual could find something that could bring them comfort, guidance, empowerment or healing. Everyone comes from a different background, different experience, different perception and interpretation. Tania offer a wide variety of tools and natural healing modalities in the hopes that something will resonate with every individual.You can visit the physical store in Plaza Damas or visit their online store.
Address: This Wonderful Life, M-0-7 Plaza Damas, Jalan Sri Hartamas 1, 50480 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia