Who said what? Well, it does not matter who said it to be honest. It could have been you or your boyfriend but if it’s got you or him blushing or regretting the whole incident altogether then even better. With that said, let us take a moment to appreciate the things we utter during the heat of the moment. And how ridiculous it makes us look during and even after sex. Forgetting to think and process your thoughts before speaking during a bed rocking body shaking session is totally understandable.
Now let us go through some of the most absurd things people have said during sex gathered from YourTango, Reddit, College Humour, personal experience, and friends.
1. I yelled, “DON’T GRAB MY WEINER!” at full volume.
This sounds like a serious case of into the moment and wanting maximum satisfaction. Jokes aside this what happened.
“She was about to climax and was clenching the bed sheets and started groping around near my crotch and I just yelled, ‘DON’T GRAB MY WEINER!!’ and then the whole moment was ruined because she was dying of laughter.”
2. “My pu**y is on fire” …
In this case, it was from the lack of hygiene where her boyfriend had forgotten to clean his hands after having a pizza which was sprinkled with hot pepper flakes. And that is why boys and girls, don’t leave your food on the table and immediately move to the couch for a hot makeout session which ended up in the room and having her pu**y on fire. As funny as it sounds, this is not the fire we want.
3. “That’s my stomach.”
Misplacement sounds just about right with this two. “It was my first time and she was a bit overweight, I just stuck it where it felt the best,” he said.
4. “Did you just get on me to purposely fart?”
There she was humping her lover and suddenly queefed and this happened when they had switched from missionary position to cowgirl.
5. “I love you”
What if it’s unrequited love? No, wait! What if you did not even mean it but was completely caught up in the thrust? This ‘I love you’ was slipped out mid-thrust. To make matters worst he was not in love with the girl he was banging. Zero love.
6. “This is my swamp now”
Sure show off your movie quoting skills in bed. Nothing wrong with that. But swamp? Now, this definitely takes you back to Shrek and Fiona days. Shrek is love Shrek is life. A good laugh indeed.
7. “Pillage my village”
Say what? Well, a conversation revolving around Viking jokes happened hours before sex and guess it stuck. Too bad it came out mid-session and the couple had to take a breather before getting it on again. Breather for some LOL’s sounds peachy.
8. I shouted, “That’s finger-licking good!”
As she was climaxing apparently KFC was on her mind? Maybe for after.
9. “F*ck my nuts hurt”
Was she too rough? Apparently not, it was a self-inflicted smack on the nuts. Clearly banging in the backseat of a car with your girl facing you while on top isn’t such a good idea. Especially when the plan to give her a big ole ass smack and missed.
10. Zebra striped babies…
This one though, yes we get zebras have distinctive black and white striped coats but talking about zebra striped babies during sex is a no-no unless you want him to go soft on you almost immediately. They were both enjoying themselves and as he told her he needed to pull out as he was about to cum she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist. And he told her we don’t want a baby and to which she replied but they’d be cute zebra striped babies. He was white and she was brown.. go figure.
11. “You are my sunshine”
Now that’s a lovely song but to sing it during some amazing sex is a little creepy no? It must have been a very tender moment.
12. “It’s weird! Your pu**y doesn’t even taste like my c*ck!”
Coming from a guy your casually shagging, you may not know him well for that matter but how dumb is he? He goes down on you and when he comes up he gives you insight as to how your vaginal juices don’t taste like his c*ck.
13. “Girl, I’m about to scramble your eggs”
And who would have guessed he wasn’t joking about it.
14. Have you cum yet?
Now that’s just painful for a brother. Or even sister perhaps. Clearly, the sex game needs to be stepped up and in due course, with lots of practice both of you will be able to please one another without these questions.
15. “God, that is small!”
Let’s not go there. Just suppress what you feel, think of the line from Frozen where Elsa burst into song about concealing and not feeling.
The list of embarrassing things said during sex definitely goes on and does not stop at number 15. From who smells like fish to is it in yet to you look better in the dark and plenty more. However, if it’s possible to be mindful of the things we say during sex then that’s great and if we can’t or feel it is beyond our control, there’s always a new story/sex joke to tell when you’re with a friend or at a sleepover etc. Although the cons may outweigh the pros in this.