Ever wondered why some Malaysian women ONLY date white men? Well, we did all the questioning for you, and we’ve found out that it’s more than what you think it’s about.
My Mother’s Advice
“Ever since I was a child, my mother would tell me about the ‘perfect’ life for me where I’ll get married to a handsome, rich man who’ll take me back to his land and show me off as the most beautiful girl in the world. As I was growing up, she often complained about my father (who was Malaysian) and how un-romantic as well as egoistical he was. Not only my father, my mother also pointed out the negatives about every other Malaysian man, be it her brothers, my brothers and every other man we knew. Once I was old enough to date, I’d subconsciously only date – you guessed it – white men. Don’t get me wrong, I have tried dating Malaysian men but for one reason or another, the connection just doesn’t feel right and I often yearn to be in the arms of a white man (while dating Malaysians). So I just decided to stick to them and live the ‘perfect’ life my mom wanted and still wants for me. It really isn’t anything about Malaysian men, it’s just that after all those years of being convinced that a white man will be better for me, I feel like that’s the natural thing for me to do now.”
Personality vs. Productivity
“After living in the UK some number of years for my tertiary education and then working there for a few more, I felt as if my horizons have been expanded, my thinking broadened, as so did my opinions. I never really dated anyone at that time but the men I met and hung around with really understood me on my level and valued my views and judgement. I lived in a flat with three other guys (all English) and they took care of me so well and always respected and acknowledged my ideas and thoughts. The moment I came back to Malaysia, I never could find the same hospitality as I had back in the UK. Even when I decided to get into the dating game, the first guy I went out with was a Malaysian and everything he did and didn’t do just didn’t match up to how I was understood and taken care of by the white guys (although they were just friends!). The Malaysian guy was ambitious, serious and hardworking but I didn’t see the point of being all of it if he didn’t have a personality above all, he was self centred and didn’t seem to care about anything other than making money. Hence, I decided to jump ship and root for Team White ever since. Truth be told, the first few white guys I dated still didn’t meet my expectations but they all had personality, were very cultured and still listened and appreciated my way of thinking. Patience does pay off; I’m now engaged to one that ticks every box on the list.”
“Malaysian men are quite predictable and that really turns me off no matter how wealthy or successful they may be”
The Great White Hope
“I’m very much a career woman and I’ll never put anything else in front of it except my parents but a lot of people think I’m shallow as well just because I ONLY date white men or expats that live here. I’ve lived in Malaysia all my life and always like a little adventure when it comes to dating men. I find Malaysian men extremely boring, the familiarity can be both an advantage and a disadvantage they say. For me, it has always been the latter. Malaysian men are quite predictable and that really turns me off no matter how wealthy or successful they may be. With white men, there’s always an exchange of stories, culture and there’s always something new to learn. Being career-oriented, I treat my men as investments and I’m not going to settle for just about anyone without getting something in return. By this I mean, financial stability and of course, emotional satisfaction. White men or expats basically come with a good financial background and security, and at the rate that the Asian market is moving; it’s always a good idea to have secondary plans. You also know you’re in for fancy dinners, exotic holidays and wild adventures one way or another with a white man. An added bonus for me will be having cute pan-Asian babies, if I were to ever put my relationships ahead of me for a change!”
It’s a Small World
“I really don’t see the big deal of the Asian girl-Caucasian guy dating scene. I’ve had two boyfriends and both of them were white (and one of them became my husband). I never really thought much into it before choosing to date a white man and then moving on with another. It just happened that they came my way at the right time, and we just hit it off. The world has become such a small place and everyone is so interconnected, I cringe whenever people come up to me asking me if the myths are true ( I dated white men for money, I wanted cute babies, etc.). My husband still gets questioned about having an ‘asian fetish’ every now and then! If Malaysians can study with Westerners, work with them and do the same things as them, I don’t see why getting into a relationship with them would have to be for some sort of ‘reason’. I believe when it comes to true love, there shouldn’t be any stereotypes to go along with it.”
-Aina , 28
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Malaysian men, I have many good male friends but there’s just something to them that doesn’t set a spark to the flame.”
“White men in general are better romantics. My friends say that television has brainwashed me into having this perception but I’ve been dating white guys since I can remember and all of them have been romantic in their own unique ways. They also have a great sense of humour, one that our beloved Malaysian men can’t stand a chance in competing with. Don’t get me wrong, I love Malaysian men, I have many good male friends but there’s just something to them that doesn’t set a spark to the flame. No matter how much I prove to my friends that this perception of white men is real, they’re not convinced because they all have found their significant others in the likes of their own races or another race (that’s not Caucasian, obviously). The fact that I haven’t settled down yet despite my age and my peers, also makes them believe that these white men I’ve dated aren’t here for a serious relationship. I beg to differ; I’d rather be patient and wait for prince charming to sweep me off my feet and make me laugh every single day than get stuck with a man who will lose all interest in me after putting a ring to my finger.”
Image is sourced from Google.