Be careful what you wish for. Most of us may have wondered what it’s like to bring our sexual fantasies to life. However, you may want to think twice before pulling the trigger after reading these dicey experiences
It’s a shocker to a lot of men: YES! Women do have fantasies. This shouldn’t be a surprise as according to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of a study on sexual fantasies and the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, 97% of us (that’s almost everyone) have sexual fantasies.
Most of the respondents say that they fantasise between several times per week and some, several times per day. You’d think it’s deviant behaviour, but it’s only natural! With the rise of erotic novels and smutty fan fictions, women are becoming more and more comfortable with sharing their fantasies, be it with each other or with their partners.
On occasion, you may even find yourself thinking of other people while you’re doing the deed. Lovehoney, Britain’s biggest online sex toy brand found that 46% of women admit to it. Who do we fantasise about, you ask? Apparently, when we’re not thinking of our lover, we are thinking of a close friend or a colleague. The same study indicated that 30% of these women actually went through with the fantasy, too.
So, with all those numbers in mind, I talked to several women on taking a step beyond the threshold of imagination and bringing your fantastical desires to life.
Three’s A CROWD
In her previous relationships, Maya* only experienced “vanilla sex”; until she met her latest lover. After sharing her thrill-seeker side, the couple decided to delve into a sexually adventurous escapade.
Maya and Alex were attempting a threesome. In a ball of eager excitement, the pair looked up for the third partner and found him. On the day itself, Alex seemed to be having an episode of performance anxiety, but Maya brushed it off, positing that it’s only a one-time thing for them. The trio met at an Airbnb, and the sexy tricycle commenced.
Everything went alright; Maya thoroughly enjoyed it. So much so that according to her, she had to mentally fight the urge to reach out for the new guy! “I mean, it was just that good,” Maya shared. “How do you go back to your regularly scheduled programme after that?”
Clearly, her boyfriend got the hint because soon enough, things began to get rocky between them. “It was so subtle. First, we stop talking as much, then it was okay for us to cancel date night from time to time, and when we could go days without talking to each other, I decided to call it.” The couple sat down and came to the conclusion that the relationship wasn’t the same after the event.
“His excuse was that I enjoyed myself far too much!” Maya scoffed. They parted ways: her ex with the wounded ego, and Maya with this one question in her mind: ‘Was it all worth it?’
Sometimes, when Emma* is busy typing, her mind would wonder: wouldn’t it be fun to fool around with someone at work? Or better yet, from work? Most of the time, she would just brush the thought away and continue in slight distress.
Fast forward a few months, she began going out with Max*, a guy from the same floor. Occasionally they would sleep together, but all in all, everything was decent. No one was the wiser at work, too! Soon enough, Max began to get bolder. He would swing by her desk and wink at her, or even ask her out for lunch in front of other colleagues.
Max grew even more daring: holding her by the waist when they step out of the office and even kisses at the workplace. “To be frank, it was kind of a turn on for me,” Emma said. As a serial monogamist, the casual acts of affection was a sign that their relationship could potentially grow into something more.
One day, as Emma was getting ready for work, she abandoned her typical beige utilitarian underwear and instead opt for racier red
lingerie. ‘Perhaps today’s the day,’ she thought to herself. She knew that everyone in the office behaves like clockwork. They leave and return to their desks at the same time. She has a 30-minute window to put her plan to work— pun intended.
The moment arrived, and she quickly made her way over to his room. Emma knew that he would not be able to resist, and he would even appreciate the gesture. They christen his desk and in a moment of reckless abandon, Emma soft whimper grew into a deeper and louder moan. “He was clearly lost in it, too,” she said, pointing out the fact that there was no attempt at muffling her cries.
Needless to say, someone heard them, and they were caught in the act. At that point, there was nothing they can do to save their careers. “Having that red flag in your career history was definitely devastating,” Emma said. Max and Emma are still in contact, albeit bitterly. When asked if the thrill was worth it, she simply shook her head.
A Steady Grip, PLEASE
“Everybody likes a little choking in bed, right?” quipped Beverly*, as she laughed off her recent incident. Don’t worry; this does not come with a sad ending. Consider it a cautionary tale.
Beverly confirmed that in 9 out of 10 of her sexual encounters, she gets some smothering action from her lovers. Most of time, it would leave zero trace. Occasionally, there would be light bruising, but still too minute to be noticed. If her friends do notice it, she’s got a solution ready at all times: turtlenecks.
Her second worst choking incident doesn’t hold a candle to the worst. The former was merely caught by her parents, who assumed that she’s been leading a chaste way of life. Even then, her mother didn’t completely wig out and her father simply kept reading the news, save for a glance at her that only lasted for a second. These glances, although they translate to ‘don’t interrupt whatever I’m doing’, are usually harmless.
Here’s her worst. It was a guy that she’s been talking to on a dating app. Their chats were fire and they decided to have dinner together for some face-to-face time. Beverly was definitely prepared to end the night at his place. Her femme fatale kit was ready, but there was nothing that could prepare her for how the meet-up is going to end.
Dinner went well, and they went back to his apartment. Midway through the movie, things were heating up between the two and they moved to the bedroom. While they were getting it on, Beverly said the words “choke me” and the guy froze. Encouragingly, she placed his hands around her neck, and once he saw the effect that it had on Beverly, the game was back on.
“It felt a little like he was clinging on to dear life,” Beverly recalled, grazing her thumb over her neck. As the grip got tighter, she began to actually choke. She tapped his gripping hand, but to no avail.
“Once he saw that I was truly panicking, he lets go,” she said. “Now I can’t enjoy it anymore—it’s triggering.”
What Your Kinks Say About You
If three-ways are your thing…
You may, or may not, love being the centre of attention. Being well-attended to and adored are probably at the top of your list. Don’t get it twisted though; it’s not a negative trait. As much as you love receiving, you are prepared to give back, perhaps even more than what you get. Just make sure that your partner is open to the experience and avoid a romantic clash between you three. Unless, of course, that’s also part of the arrangement.
If being tied up is not an issue…
Sometimes you just don’t want to be the decision-maker, and it’s most probably because you’ve been calling the shots all these while. So maybe in bed, you want to let the reins loose, and not have the burden of arranging. Just like tango, there’s always a leader and a follower—in this case, you want to go with the flow. You could be seen as a little uptight outside of the bedroom, but that’s only because you need everything to work out well.
If the pain is actually preferable…
Perhaps you feel like your life is mundane, and this is your way of thrill-seeking. To each her own, we say! A little bit of hurt can actually be cathartic and give you a sense of pleasure that keeps you in an elevated mood. Just don’t fully depend on this outlet to be your only source of exhilaration, though. If you want to work this kink out of your system, we suggest working out, as it also releases the same happy hormones.