It could happen to a friend, a family member, a neighbour and it could even happen to you. Yet, when it comes to domestic violence, we often turn the other cheek. “It’s not our business,” we say. “They are the only ones who can sort out the issues in their marriage,” we say. So what will it take for us to sit up and pay attention? Here’s what to do if you have been a victim of domestic abuse …
By: Hanna Alkaf
How to Leave a Violent Spouse Adapted from an article by Women’s Centre for Change, Penang.
If you are in an abusive relationship, think about:
- Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, relatives, friends, and the local women’s organisation.
- Friends or neighbours you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises.
- How to get out of your home safely. Practise ways to get out.
- Ways that you could get any harmful object or weapon out of the house.
- Going over your safety plan often.
If you are considering leaving your abuser, think about…
- Two places you could go if you leave your home.
- People who might help you if you left. Think about people who will keep a bag for you. Think about people who might lend you money.
- Keeping change for phone calls or getting a cell phone.
- Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
- Putting together a bag of things you use every day. Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
- Planning a safety route. Have a plan ready in case you have to leave home suddenly. In case the house door is locked, make sure you have the house keys to leave the house.
- Keeping important contact numbers with you at all times. These should include close relatives, friends, police and hospital.
- When the best time would be to leave.
Note: Plan to take your children with you should you decide to leave especially if the children are young. If you leave without them, you may not have easy access to them subsequently. Sometimes, your spouse may coerce you to return by using the children as an excuse.
If you have left your abuser, think about…
- Getting an Interim Protection Order (IPO) from the court. Keep a copy with you all the time.
- Changing the locks.
- Telling friends and neighbours that your abuser no longer lives with you.
- Telling people who take care of your children the names of people who are allowed to pick them up. If you have an IPO protecting your children, give their teachers and babysitters a copy of it.
- Telling someone at work about what has happened. Ask that person to screen your calls. Think about and practise a safety plan for your workplace. Use a variety of routes to go home if possible.
- Not using the same stores or businesses that you did when you were with your abuser.
- Someone that you can call if you feel down.
- Going over your safety plan often.
The Women’s Centre for Change, Penang is a non-profit, tax exempt organisation set up to support abused women and children. WCC provides free counselling, shelter, and court support for domestic and sexual violence clients. WCC welcome donations in support of our work. For more information, please contact [email protected], 04-2280344 or Facebook WCC Penang.
Let TINA Help Out
The Malaysian Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) has a virtual friend named TINA, or ‘Think I Need Aid’ which can help you out if you find yourself in a difficult situation or if you think you may be a victim of domestic violence. The SMS helpline is designed so that victims or survivors of domestic abuse who may feel awkward calling a helpline or talking to a complete stranger can feel more comfortable by reaching out to a ‘friend’. TINA will act as that friend and encourage survivors to think about their options and point out channels by which they can get help. By using SMS, TINA provides a medium of anonymity as well as a casual and more approachable avenue for those who may not be ready to talk openly about their domestic crises.
TINA was launched as part of the WAO’s #NoExcuseforAbuse campaign which was launched on International Women’s Day as part of a public education and awareness drive.
If you or someone you know experience domestic abuse, SMS TINA at 018 988 8058.
To find out more about the Malaysian Women’s Aid Organisation, please visit: www.wao.org.my
By: Hanna Alkaf
